In a marriage/relationship, it is important never to forget that as a couple you both come first and the children are second. After all, in most cases children are created out of love and plans of enjoying a growing & happy family. As parents we have to take responsibility in nurturing our relationship, keeping it healthy and happy in order to raise our children in that loving environment.
Over time, many couples can build up unresolved issues and live with resentment and anger towards each other. As their relationship breaks down, they don't always stop to realize the impact this has on the children. I believe it is essential when there is an unsolved and growing problem within a relationship, my clients come to me, not only for themselves but I also arrange counseling with the children because they will have suffered too.
Always remember children are the innocent party – they didn't ask to be created and it is not their fault if your relationship has broken down!
Don't lose hope if you feel your relationship is at an end. With my techniques, I can teach you how to rebuild your relationship, how to raise your children and enjoy a good family life.
Adolescence: Children out of Control – Who is at Fault?
There can be many reasons why teenagers have difficulties that often result in different types of behavioral problems. Adults commonly tell young people that teenage years are the ‘best years of your life’. However, life for many young people can be a painful tug of war filled with mixed messages and conflicting demands from parents, teachers, coaches, employers, friends and themselves. Growing up and trying to negotiate a path between independence and reliance on others can be tough. It can create stress and serious depression for some young people who are ill equipped to cope, communicate and solve problems.
Our individual childhood plays a large role as to how we raise our own children and with recent generations, our children's expectations are certainly different to ours! With busy and career focused lifestyles for parents, life nowadays can sometimes take different paths, causing added stress to the relationship. It's important for parents to remember the following points:
- Don't Argue in front of the Children
- Showing respect to each other will teach your children how to respect themselves as well as their future partner. Any decision about a child should be a joint decision between both parents.
- If there is violence, swearing or disrespect in the family home, children will automatically follow this unacceptable behavior in their future.
- Don't allow children to interfere or take sides in a parental dispute – any arguments or personal discussions should be private. Don't over indulge children.
- Never give promises you can't keep!
Common Problems in Adolescence:
Bullying – (home and/or school) – Peer pressure – Sibling rivalry – Difficulty in puberty – Drugs – Alcohol – Low achievement in school- Low self-esteem – Difficulty in making friends – Lying, cheating, stealing – Depression Suicidal thoughts...
If you have any difficulties or concerns about your children, no matter what age, I encourage you to seek my help before it gets out of hand. Untreated problems can simply develop into larger and more complicated issues, not only in your relationship and ability to communicate with your children, but your children's future as an adult.
I have counseled children as young as 5 years old and always involve the parents in separate counseling as it is important they understand their child's problem[s] by learning good communication skills.
By TTS Holistic Counselor Mehdi Jaffari
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